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      <image:title>4 October 2014 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>5 April 2014 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>10 June 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>11 December 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>11 February 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>11 January 2025 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>11 June 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>11 March 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>11 November 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>12 August 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>12 February 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>12 June 2021 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>12 March 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>12 November 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>13 August 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>13 February 2021 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>13 March 2021 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>13 May 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-13112021-issue.jpg?v=1736791635</image:loc>
      <image:title>13 November 2021 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>14 January 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>14 May 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>14 October 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>15 April 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>15 January 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>15 July 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>15 May 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>15 October 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>16 April 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>16 December 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>16 January 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>16 July 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>16 October 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>16 September 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>17 April 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>17 December 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>17 June 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>17 September 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>18 December 2021 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-18022023-issue.jpg?v=1736791882</image:loc>
      <image:title>18 February 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-18062022-issue.jpg?v=1736791895</image:loc>
      <image:title>18 June 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-18032023-issue.jpg?v=1736791900</image:loc>
      <image:title>18 March 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>19 August 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>19 February 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>19 June 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>19 March 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-19112022-issue.jpg?v=1736791957</image:loc>
      <image:title>19 November 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>2 April 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>2 December 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>2 July 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>2 October 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>2 September 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-20082022-issue.jpg?v=1736792040</image:loc>
      <image:title>20 August 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>20 February 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>20 March 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>20 May 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>20 November 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-21082021-issue-1.jpg?v=1736792083</image:loc>
      <image:title>21 August 2021 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>21 January 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>21 May 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>21 October 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>22 April 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>22 January 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>22 July 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>22 May 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>22 October 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>23 April 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>23 January 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-23072022-issue.jpg?v=1736792198</image:loc>
      <image:title>23 July 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>23 October 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>23 September 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>24 April 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>24 July 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>24 June 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-24092022-issue-1.jpg?v=1736792273</image:loc>
      <image:title>24 September 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-25022023-issue.jpg?v=1736792288</image:loc>
      <image:title>25 February 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-25062022-issue.jpg?v=1736792303</image:loc>
      <image:title>25 June 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>25 March 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-25112023-issue.jpg?v=1736792321</image:loc>
      <image:title>25 November 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-250921-issue.jpg?v=1736792326</image:loc>
      <image:title>25 September 2021 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-26082023-issue.jpg?v=1736792335</image:loc>
      <image:title>26 August 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-26022022-issue.jpg?v=1736792337</image:loc>
      <image:title>26 February 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-26062021-issue.jpg?v=1736792347</image:loc>
      <image:title>26 June 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover-26032022-issue.jpg?v=1736792352</image:loc>
      <image:title>26 March 2022 Cover</image:title>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/cover26112022-issue.jpg?v=1736792361</image:loc>
      <image:title>26 November 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>27 May 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>28 January 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>29 April 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>3 December 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>3 June 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>4 February 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>4 January 2025 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>4 November 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>5 August 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>5 February 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>5 March 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>5 November 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>6 August 2022 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>6 February 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>6 March 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>6 May 2023 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>6 November 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>7 August 2021 Cover</image:title>
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      <image:title>7 January 2023 Cover</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-and-you-think-that-you-re-a-minority-group-11-september-2021</loc>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-anyone-got-a-better-plan-for-getting-through-the-winter-18-september-2021</loc>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-apparently-it-s-a-compliment-12-february-2022</loc>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-are-you-sure-there-s-no-way-i-can-work-from-work-9-may-2020</loc>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-are-you-two-glued-to-that-sofa-10-december-2022</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Are you two glued to that sofa?!’ - 10 December 2022</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-at-last-a-successful-reparation-16-november-2024</loc>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-at-last-we-can-meet-for-facemask-to-facemask-talks-8-may-2021</loc>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-be-good-or-father-christmas-won-t-come-7-november-2020</loc>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-before-you-tell-me-how-it-looks-remember-i-queued-for-three-hours-to-buy-it-20-june-2020</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Before you tell me how it looks, remember I queued for three hours to buy it.’ - 20 June 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-bloody-outdoor-raves-15-august-2020</loc>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-can-i-talk-to-you-about-social-distancing-29-august-2020</loc>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-can-we-go-on-the-doom-loop-next-9-november-2024</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Can we go on the doom loop next?’ - 9 November 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-can-we-stop-watching-cat-videos-and-do-some-work-mum-30-january-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Can we stop watching cat videos and do some work, Mum?’ - 30 January 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-christmas-is-over-and-i-m-introducing-new-restrictions-8-january-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Christmas is over and I’m introducing new restrictions.’ - 8 January 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-come-on-kids-dad-says-we-should-go-out-for-a-drive-while-it-s-still-legal-30-september-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Come on, kids. Dad says we should go out for a drive while it’s still legal.’ - 30 September 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-could-i-maybe-take-you-out-to-dinner-sometime-on-a-monday-tuesday-or-wednesday-8-august-2020</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Could I maybe take you out to dinner sometime, on a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday?’ - 8 August 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-dad-can-i-have-a-dangerous-puppy-16-september-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Dad, can I have a dangerous puppy?’ - 16 September 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-did-i-ever-tell-you-of-the-time-i-was-cast-adrift-on-a-sea-of-paperwork-23-january-2021</loc>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/27_23.01.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737516799</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Did I ever tell you of the time I was cast adrift on a sea of paperwork?’ - 23 January 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-did-you-manage-to-find-anything-you-were-looking-for-today-31-july-2021</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Did you manage to find anything you were looking for today?’ - 31 July 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-disappointing-summer-isn-t-it-20-july-2024</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Disappointing summer, isn’t it?’ - 20 July 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-do-you-ever-worry-that-he-s-being-bullied-at-work-26-august-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Do you ever worry that he’s being bullied at work?’ - 26 August 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-do-you-know-we-could-earn-this-much-being-junior-doctors-20-january-2024</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Do you know we could earn this much being junior doctors?’ - 20 January 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-do-you-remember-your-first-unwanted-kiss-2-september-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Do you remember your first unwanted kiss?’ - 2 September 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-do-you-think-prince-harry-will-ever-go-away-or-do-we-just-have-to-learn-to-live-with-him-14-january-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Do you think Prince Harry will ever go away, or do we just have to learn to live with him?’ - 14 January 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-does-this-dress-go-with-this-mask-25-july-2020</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Does this dress go with this mask?’ - 25 July 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-don-t-bother-to-look-cute-look-warm-15-january-2022</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Don’t bother to look cute — look warm.’ - 15 January 2022</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-don-t-mind-sharon-she-s-doing-her-mindfulness-thing-30-january-2021</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Don’t mind Sharon — she’s doing her mindfulness thing.’ - 30 January 2021</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-don-t-snitch-on-them-dear-have-a-word-with-them-first-26-september-2020</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Don’t snitch on them, dear – have a word with them first.’ - 26 September 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-don-t-throw-it-away-woman-there-s-a-water-shortage-27-august-2022</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Don’t throw it away woman, there’s a water shortage!’ - 27 August 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-double-double-toil-and-trouble-rule-of-six-and-support-bubble-31-october-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Double, double, toil and trouble rule of six and support bubble…’ - 31 October 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-each-window-reveals-a-new-strike-17-december-2022</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Each window reveals a new strike.’ - 17 December 2022</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-eat-up-there-are-starving-children-in-england-31-october-2020</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Eat up! There are starving children in England.’ - 31 October 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-forget-your-leader-just-take-me-to-your-civil-servants-9-march-2024</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Forget your leader – just take me to your civil servants.’ - 9 March 2024</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-frankly-it-s-a-relief-to-quiz-someone-who-was-good-at-their-job-11-november-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Frankly it’s a relief to quiz someone who was good at their job.’ - 11 November 2023</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-frankly-we-re-tired-of-your-predatory-behaviour-12-june-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Frankly we’re tired of your predatory behaviour.’ - 12 June 2021</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-gentlemen-this-is-the-new-tax-rate-we-ll-be-avoiding-12-june-2021</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Gentlemen, this is the new tax rate we’ll be avoiding.’ - 12 June 2021</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-go-on-you-can-have-a-pint-with-it-5-december-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Go on! You can have a pint with it.’ - 5 December 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-god-rest-ye-merry-gentlemen-and-ladies-non-binary-transgender-gender-neutral-pan-gender-a-gender-19-december-2020</loc>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/god-rest.jpg?v=1737516878</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘God rest ye merry gentlemen and ladies, non-binary, transgender, gender neutral, pan-gender, a-gender…’ - 19 December 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-goodness-i-remember-when-you-were-just-carefully-targeted-airstrikes-12-october-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Goodness, I remember when you were just carefully targeted airstrikes.’ - 12 October 2024</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-have-you-noticed-we-re-getting-more-wildlife-in-the-garden-18-april-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Have you noticed we’re getting more wildlife in the garden?’ - 18 April 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-he-s-self-alienating-21-november-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘He’s self-alienating.’ - 21 November 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-here-we-go-then-you-may-just-feel-a-slight-euphoria-6-february-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Here we go then. You may just feel a slight euphoria.’ - 6 February 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-honestly-he-s-as-gentle-as-a-kitten-30-september-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Honestly, he’s as gentle as a kitten!’ - 30 September 2023</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-how-lovely-flours-23-may-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘How lovely! … Flours!’ - 23 May 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-how-worried-should-we-be-about-running-out-of-greek-letters-4-december-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘How worried should we be about running out of Greek letters?’ - 4 December 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-am-not-panic-buying-i-am-urgently-curating-9-october-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I am not panic buying. I am urgently curating.’ - 9 October 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-am-the-ghost-of-variants-yet-to-come-18-december-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I am the ghost of variants yet to come.’ - 18 December 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-bought-baby-her-first-booties-6-august-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_060822_1_sg.jpg?v=1737516928</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I bought baby her first booties!’ - 6 August 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-can-remember-when-all-this-was-crisps-27-november-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I can remember when all this was crisps.’ - 27 November 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-can-t-get-a-dentist-but-then-again-what-is-there-to-smile-about-21-september-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/54_21.09.24_Bernie.jpg?v=1737516934</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I can’t get a dentist, but then again, what is there to smile about?’ - 21 September 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-didn-t-realise-it-was-dress-down-friday-29-june-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_290624_1_sg.jpg?v=1737516952</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I didn’t realise it was dress down Friday.’ - 29 June 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-don-t-know-why-he-s-so-fat-he-only-eats-the-same-as-us-20-november-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_201121_1_sg-1.jpg?v=1737516955</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I don’t know why he’s so fat, he only eats the same as us.’ - 20 November 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-don-t-understand-the-science-but-apparently-it-s-safe-to-snog-if-you-re-not-under-the-mistletoe-11-december-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/15_11.12.21_Bernie-1.jpg?v=1737516963</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I don’t understand the science, but apparently it’s safe to snog if you’re not under the mistletoe.’ - 11 December 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-have-a-terrible-fear-of-not-flying-9-april-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_090422_1_sg-1.jpg?v=1737516967</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I have a terrible fear of not flying.’ - 9 April 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-must-admit-i-thought-i-could-have-had-more-support-from-the-palace-13-march-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/24_13.03.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737516976</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I must admit, I thought I could have had more support from the palace.’ - 13 March 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-must-buy-a-new-hat-to-throw-into-the-ring-11-january-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/08_11.01.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737516979</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I must buy a new hat to throw into the ring.’ - 11 January 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-nicked-his-expensive-watch-so-now-he-can-feel-like-a-man-of-the-people-1-april-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_010423_1_sg.jpg?v=1737516982</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I nicked his expensive watch so now he can feel like a man of the people.’ - 1 April 2023</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-only-converted-to-help-my-asylum-claim-but-then-things-snowballed-23-march-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_230324_1_sg.jpg?v=1737516985</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I only converted to help my asylum claim but then things snowballed.’ - 23 March 2024</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-say-we-should-invade-taiwan-now-while-the-rest-of-the-world-is-distracted-by-wordle-21-may-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/15_21.05.22_Bernie-1.jpg?v=1737516991</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I say we should invade Taiwan now while the rest of the world is distracted by Wordle.’ - 21 May 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-see-the-burberry-has-arrived-25-april-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/burberry.jpg?v=1737516995</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I see the Burberry has arrived.’ - 25 April 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-somehow-don-t-believe-this-is-what-boris-meant-28-march-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I somehow don’t believe this is what Boris meant.’ - 28 March 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-think-you-ll-find-that-you-have-to-marry-us-because-today-i-m-self-identifying-as-female-28-january-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/22_28.01.23_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517010</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I think you’ll find that you have to marry us because today I’m self-identifying as female.’ - 28 January 2023</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-thought-they-were-key-workers-28-march-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I thought they were key workers.’ - 28 March 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-thought-we-could-rip-this-lot-out-and-put-in-a-heat-pump-23-october-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I thought we could rip this lot out and put in a heat pump.’ - 23 October 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-want-you-to-alter-the-way-you-calculate-my-debt-2-november-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/my-debt-02112024.jpg?v=1737517025</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I want you to alter the way you calculate my debt.’ - 2 November 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-wanted-to-join-the-police-but-i-didn-t-have-a-criminal-record-25-march-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/15_25.03.23_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517039</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I wanted to join the police but I didn’t have a criminal record.’ - 25 March 2023</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-was-just-remembering-how-we-used-to-complain-about-noisy-people-in-crowded-cinemas-20-february-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/38_20.02.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517045</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I was just remembering how we used to complain about noisy people in crowded cinemas.’ - 20 February 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-d-have-a-heart-attack-but-have-you-seen-the-state-of-the-nhs-9-april-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
    <changefreq>daily</changefreq>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/23_09.04.22_Bernie-1.jpg?v=1737517051</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’d have a heart attack but have you seen the state of the NHS?’ - 9 April 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-ll-have-a-vodka-martini-shaken-not-stirred-and-a-scotch-egg-5-december-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/21_05.12.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517060</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’ll have a vodka martini — shaken, not stirred — and a Scotch egg.’ - 5 December 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-ll-just-test-your-blood-pressure-15-october-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’ll just test your blood pressure.’ - 15 October 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-appointing-you-chief-fundraiser-unpaid-16-march-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
    <changefreq>daily</changefreq>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_160324_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517069</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m appointing you “chief fundraiser, unpaid”.’ - 16 March 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-drinking-to-remember-28-september-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_280924_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517078</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m drinking to remember.’ - 28 September 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-escaping-from-an-oppressive-regime-6-april-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/im-escaping-06042024.jpg?v=1737517081</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m escaping from an oppressive regime.’ - 6 April 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-not-allowed-in-the-delivery-room-19-december-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/not-allowed.jpg?v=1737517084</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m not allowed in the delivery room.’ - 19 December 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-off-then-let-s-see-if-i-can-get-some-meat-today-25-september-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie1.jpg?v=1737517087</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m off then — let’s see if I can get some meat today.’ - 25 September 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-six-i-don-t-need-to-know-about-eating-disorders-19-august-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/eating-disorders-19082023.jpg?v=1737517090</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m six. I don’t need to know about eating disorders.’ - 19 August 2023</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-sleeping-rough-as-much-as-i-can-before-they-criminalise-it-20-april-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/15_20.04.24_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517093</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m sleeping rough as much as I can before they criminalise it.’ - 20 April 2024</image:title>
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    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-sorry-rishi-but-the-ex-tory-prime-minister-after-dinner-speech-market-is-saturated-13-july-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_130724_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517096</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m sorry Rishi, but the “ex-Tory prime minister after-dinner speech” market is saturated.’ - 13 July 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-sure-you-ll-be-very-excited-by-my-massive-borrowing-and-spending-plan-4-july-2020</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m sure you’ll be very excited by my massive borrowing and spending plan.’ - 4 July 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-m-terribly-sorry-we-ve-had-to-put-a-cap-on-numbers-30-july-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’m terribly sorry, we’ve had to put a cap on numbers.’ - 30 July 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-ve-been-offered-10-000-to-change-universities-or-20-000-to-become-a-lorry-driver-28-august-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/become-a-lorry-driver.jpg?v=1737517105</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’ve been offered £10,000 to change universities or £20,000 to become a lorry driver.’ - 28 August 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-ve-been-waiting-for-four-hours-and-i-still-haven-t-seen-a-patient-2-may-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’ve been waiting for four hours and I still haven’t seen a patient.’ - 2 May 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-i-ve-got-my-18-month-old-playing-darts-13-january-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘I’ve got my 18-month-old playing darts.’ - 13 January 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-if-i-was-enjoying-anything-i-could-give-it-up-for-lent-20-february-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘If I was enjoying anything, I could give it up for Lent.’ - 20 February 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-if-you-find-any-ppe-you-get-to-keep-it-11-april-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘If you find any PPE you get to keep it.’ - 11 April 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-is-this-a-bad-time-9-january-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bad-time.jpg?v=1737517144</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Is this a bad time?’ - 9 January 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-is-your-journey-really-necessary-27-march-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Is your journey really necessary?’ - 27 March 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-isn-t-it-great-to-be-eating-indoors-again-7-august-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/62_07.08.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517151</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Isn’t it great to be eating indoors again?’ - 7 August 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-isn-t-it-time-you-started-thinking-about-christmas-9-december-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Isn’t it time you started thinking about Christmas?’ - 9 December 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-might-be-a-bit-of-fun-to-you-mate-but-to-me-it-s-cultural-appropriation-17-december-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It might be a bit of fun to you, mate, but to me it’s cultural appropriation.’ - 17 December 2022</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-wasn-t-until-lockdown-that-i-realised-how-little-we-have-in-common-12-december-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It wasn’t until lockdown that I realised how little we have in common.’ - 12 December 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-a-cost-of-living-it-up-crisis-15-january-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s a cost of living it up crisis.’ - 15 January 2022</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-a-response-to-our-sos-they-want-it-in-a-different-form-11-december-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s a response to our SOS — they want it in a different form.’ - 11 December 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-a-somewhat-reduced-service-13-june-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s a somewhat reduced service.’ - 13 June 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-all-right-this-one-takes-cash-22-april-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s all right – this one takes cash.’ - 22 April 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-great-to-get-our-cultural-lives-back-isn-t-it-shelley-4-july-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s great to get our cultural lives back, isn’t it Shelley?’ - 4 July 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-high-time-we-abolished-the-lords-a-leaping-10-december-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s high time we abolished the lords-a-leaping’ - 10 December 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-one-rule-for-them-and-another-rule-for-us-13-november-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s one rule for them and another rule for us.’ - 13 November 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-probably-tb-but-we-won-t-be-sure-until-six-months-after-we-ve-killed-you-18-september-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s probably TB, but we won’t be sure until six months after we’ve killed you.’ - 18 September 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-so-refreshing-to-have-something-new-to-be-polarised-about-18-january-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s so refreshing to have something new to be polarised about.’ - 18 January 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-spreading-like-royal-divorces-22-february-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s spreading like royal divorces!’ - 22 February 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-such-a-lovely-day-we-thought-we-d-eat-outside-15-may-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/62_15.05.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517221</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s such a lovely day we thought we’d eat outside.’ - 15 May 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-it-s-the-first-time-he-s-been-in-the-top-tier-for-anything-24-october-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/010_24.10.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517224</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘It’s the first time he’s been in the top tier for anything.’ - 24 October 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-jeremy-s-so-clever-for-a-party-piece-he-names-all-73-genders-18-march-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Jeremy’s so clever – for a party piece he names all 73 genders.’ - 18 March 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-just-speeding-up-the-compensation-process-13-january-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Just speeding up the compensation process.’ - 13 January 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-leicester-lancashire-caerphilly-it-s-working-its-way-though-the-cheeses-12-september-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/62_12.09.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517234</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Leicester… Lancashire… Caerphilly… It’s working its way though the cheeses!’ - 12 September 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-let-s-start-a-rumour-that-there-s-going-to-be-a-shortage-2-october-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/start-a-rumour.jpg?v=1737517240</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Let’s start a rumour that there’s going to be a shortage!’ - 2 October 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-look-i-can-still-fit-into-my-old-burqa-21-august-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/47_spec_21.08.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517249</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Look, I can still fit into my old burqa!’ - 21 August 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-looks-like-boris-is-flying-again-23-july-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_230722_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517252</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Looks like Boris is flying again.’ - 23 July 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-looks-like-we-ll-miss-our-boat-30-july-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Looks like we’ll miss our boat.’ - 30 July 2022</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-lots-of-nasty-things-are-making-a-comeback-measles-rickets-george-galloway-9-march-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_090324_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517258</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Lots of nasty things are making a comeback. Measles, rickets, George Galloway...’ - 9 March 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-lucy-wokes-from-home-5-september-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Lucy wokes from home.’ - 5 September 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-mind-if-i-vape-9-september-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/19_09.09.23_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517267</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Mind if I vape?’ - 9 September 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-much-longer-in-this-go-slow-protest-and-we-ll-miss-our-cancelled-flight-16-july-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Much longer in this go-slow protest and we’ll miss our cancelled flight.’ - 16 July 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-my-new-man-is-a-good-kisser-but-he-s-no-dalai-lama-22-april-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘My new man is a good kisser but he’s no Dalai Lama.’ - 22 April 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-my-word-i-thought-the-only-one-of-these-was-in-the-british-museum-26-august-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘My word! I thought the only one of these was in the British Museum!’ - 26 August 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-never-a-second-thought-for-our-mental-health-29-may-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Never a second thought for our mental health!’ - 29 May 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-next-an-anonymous-caller-who-asks-can-i-get-monkeypox-from-groping-two-men-9-july-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Next, an anonymous caller who asks: “Can I get monkeypox from groping two men?”’ - 9 July 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-nice-to-see-there-are-still-some-old-fashioned-conservatives-in-the-house-7-may-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Nice to see there are still some old-fashioned Conservatives in the house.’ - 7 May 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-no-one-must-ever-know-i-used-to-read-the-guardian-6-march-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘No one must ever know I used to read the Guardian.’ - 6 March 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-no-thanks-i-m-not-sailing-p-o-26-march-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘No thanks. I’m not sailing P&amp;O.’ - 26 March 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-no-vapes-i-ll-just-take-those-knives-then-3-february-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘No vapes? I’ll just take those knives then.’ - 3 February 2024</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-no-you-may-not-give-me-a-lift-to-the-polling-station-you-filthy-pervert-7-may-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘No, you may not give me a lift to the polling station, you filthy pervert,’ - 7 May 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-not-only-have-you-been-stood-up-sir-but-i-m-afraid-we-don-t-serve-solo-diners-12-august-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Not only have you been stood up, Sir, but I’m afraid we don’t serve solo diners.’ - 12 August 2023</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-of-course-it-s-impossible-to-know-what-he-ll-do-next-26-february-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Of course it’s impossible to know what he’ll do next.’ - 26 February 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-oh-dear-i-was-hoping-our-fuel-allowance-would-pay-for-our-oasis-tickets-7-september-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Oh dear. I was hoping our fuel allowance would pay for our Oasis tickets.’ - 7 September 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-oh-yes-i-m-up-early-every-morning-breaking-the-ice-27-february-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Oh yes, I’m up early every morning breaking the ice.’ - 27 February 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-on-the-other-hand-the-threat-of-nuclear-war-means-i-m-less-worried-about-climate-change-25-february-2023</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘On the other hand, the threat of nuclear war means I’m less worried about climate change.’ - 25 February 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-our-no-deal-brexit-stockpile-is-now-a-coronavirus-stockpile-7-march-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Our no-deal Brexit stockpile is now a coronavirus stockpile.’ - 7 March 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-please-no-more-promises-19-june-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Please, no more promises.’ - 19 June 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-pleased-to-meet-you-always-nice-to-put-a-face-to-a-name-25-july-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Pleased to meet you – always nice to put a face to a name.’ - 25 July 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-poor-old-tantalus-they-ve-gone-and-moved-his-retirement-age-back-again-15-april-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Poor old Tantalus. They’ve gone and moved his retirement age back again.’ - 15 April 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-relax-nowadays-it-s-all-done-by-ai-10-june-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Relax. Nowadays it’s all done by AI.’ - 10 June 2023</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-rest-assured-we-ll-move-more-quickly-in-the-next-pandemic-16-october-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Rest assured, we’ll move more quickly in the next pandemic.’ - 16 October 2021</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-santa-won-t-agree-to-this-unless-you-water-it-down-20-november-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Santa won’t agree to this unless you water it down.’ - 20 November 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-school-s-out-now-for-six-weeks-of-bickering-and-pettiness-30-july-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘School’s out. Now for six weeks of bickering and pettiness...’ - 30 July 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-sending-them-to-scotland-would-be-a-deterrent-4-may-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Sending them to Scotland would be a deterrent.’ - 4 May 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-shall-i-put-the-kettle-on-15-may-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Shall I put the kettle on?’ - 15 May 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-she-ll-try-anything-2-march-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘She’ll try anything!’ - 2 March 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-she-s-like-liz-truss-in-reverse-25-may-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘She’s like Liz Truss in reverse.’ - 25 May 2024</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-shouldn-t-you-be-out-catching-criminals-2-july-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/25_02.07.22_Bernie-1.jpg?v=1737517427</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Shouldn’t you be out catching criminals?’ - 2 July 2022</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-smarten-yourself-up-it-s-on-in-five-minutes-30-november-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Smarten yourself up. It’s on in five minutes.’ - 30 November 2024</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-so-it-was-either-this-or-lockdown-6-february-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘So it was either this or lockdown.’ - 6 February 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-so-with-the-lockdown-relaxed-i-headed-straight-to-the-beach-6-june-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘So, with the lockdown relaxed, I headed straight to the beach.’ - 6 June 2020</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-sorry-kids-we-ve-had-to-cut-out-all-treats-this-year-29-october-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Sorry kids, we’ve had to cut out all treats this year.’ - 29 October 2022</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-sorry-but-we-all-have-to-learn-to-rely-less-on-coal-18-december-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Sorry, but we all have to learn to rely less on coal.’ - 18 December 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-spare-a-tenner-for-a-cup-of-bubble-tea-21-october-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Spare a tenner for a cup of bubble tea?’ - 21 October 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-still-no-sign-of-a-ceasefire-19-october-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Still no sign of a ceasefire.’ - 19 October 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-tell-me-about-the-old-days-again-dad-when-we-had-silicon-chips-4-september-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/62_04.09.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517470</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Tell me about the old days again, Dad. When we had silicon chips.’ - 4 September 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-thank-heaven-life-can-at-last-return-to-normal-24-september-2022</loc>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-thank-heavens-for-the-right-to-switch-off-24-august-2024</loc>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Thank heavens for the right to switch off.’ - 24 August 2024</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-that-label-could-cause-offence-to-a-minority-22-january-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘That label could cause offence to a minority.’ - 22 January 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-that-ought-to-reduce-the-death-toll-21-march-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/p62_travel_Bernie_21.03.20.jpg?v=1737517481</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘That ought to reduce the death toll.’ - 21 March 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-that-s-an-awful-lot-of-issues-25-april-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/82_25.04.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517494</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘That’s an awful lot of issues.’ - 25 April 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-that-s-an-extra-hour-in-bed-lying-awake-worrying-24-october-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/clocks-go-back.jpg?v=1737517497</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘That’s an extra hour in bed lying awake worrying.’ - 24 October 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-bank-doesn-t-understand-me-29-july-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The bank doesn’t understand me.’ - 29 July 2023</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-boy-who-self-identifies-as-a-dog-ate-my-homework-sir-1-july-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_010723_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517503</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The boy who self-identifies as a dog ate my homework, sir.’ - 1 July 2023</image:title>
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    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-cheaper-and-less-qualified-doctor-will-see-you-now-18-june-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_180622_1_sg-1.jpg?v=1737517505</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The cheaper and less qualified doctor will see you now.’ - 18 June 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-irrepressible-michael-o-leary-29-may-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/mystery-tours.jpg?v=1737517513</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The irrepressible Michael O’Leary!’ - 29 May 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-king-agreed-not-to-come-but-he-s-sent-a-representative-15-october-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/hes-sent-a-representative.jpg?v=1737517515</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The King agreed not to come but he’s sent a representative.’ - 15 October 2022</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-message-is-clear-eat-out-and-stay-at-home-8-august-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/54_08.08.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517518</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The message is clear — eat out and stay at home.’ - 8 August 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-paper-s-more-optimistic-this-morning-14-march-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/16_14.03.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517520</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The paper’s more optimistic this morning.’ - 14 March 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-police-were-very-good-they-arrived-within-minutes-and-said-there-was-nothing-they-could-do-6-january-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The police were very good. They arrived within minutes and said there was nothing they could do.’ - 6 January 2024</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-threat-is-receding-but-we-still-have-to-be-cautious-14-august-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The threat is receding but we still have to be cautious.’ - 14 August 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-the-wise-men-departed-unto-their-own-country-another-way-16-december-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘The wise men departed unto their own country another way.’ - 16 December 2023</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-there-they-go-again-three-months-behind-the-fashion-4-june-2022</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘There they go again, three months behind the fashion.’ - 4 June 2022</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-there-s-nothing-more-embarrassing-than-an-ex-prime-minister-on-the-make-cherie-17-april-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘There’s nothing more embarrassing than an ex prime minister on the make, Cherie.’ - 17 April 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-they-don-t-know-we-re-coming-i-want-it-to-be-a-surprise-19-december-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/surprise.jpg?v=1737517555</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘They don’t know we’re coming – I want it to be a surprise!’ - 19 December 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-they-gave-their-lives-so-that-we-could-enjoy-the-freedom-that-we-have-today-7-november-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘They gave their lives so that we could enjoy the freedom that we have today.’ - 7 November 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-they-haven-t-got-any-of-the-basics-beer-wine-gin-vodka-4-april-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘They haven’t got any of the basics — beer, wine, gin, vodka...’ - 4 April 2020</image:title>
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    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-they-say-you-re-never-more-than-six-feet-away-from-a-chatty-rat-1-may-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘They say you’re never more than six feet away from a chatty rat.’ - 1 May 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-this-is-heaven-13-november-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘This is heaven!’ - 13 November 2021</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-today-we-d-like-to-shout-to-you-about-jesus-28-november-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/42_28.11.20_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517583</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Today we’d like to shout to you about Jesus.’ - 28 November 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-trust-me-it-s-making-a-comeback-15-june-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_150624_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517589</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Trust me, it’s making a comeback.’ - 15 June 2024</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-uncle-andrew-13-june-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Uncle Andrew?’ - 13 June 2020</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-until-your-tests-come-back-let-s-not-assume-the-worst-1-february-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/Test-results.jpg?v=1737517594</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Until your tests come back, let’s not assume the worst.’ - 1 February 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-waiter-there-s-a-fly-suffering-unnecessarily-in-my-soup-24-july-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Waiter, there’s a fly suffering unnecessarily in my soup.’ - 24 July 2021</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-we-can-stay-but-we-ll-have-to-share-with-250-new-builds-15-august-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘We can stay but we’ll have to share with 250 new builds.’ - 15 August 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-we-moved-to-the-catchment-area-of-an-excellent-private-tutor-16-january-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/62_16.01.21_Bernie.jpg?v=1737517621</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘We moved to the catchment area of an excellent private tutor...’ - 16 January 2021</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-we-d-like-to-be-levelled-all-the-way-up-to-nadhim-zahawi-28-january-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘We’d like to be levelled all the way up to Nadhim Zahawi.’ - 28 January 2023</image:title>
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    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-we-re-at-the-tipping-point-17-october-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘We’re at the tipping point.’ - 17 October 2020</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-we-re-down-to-the-last-two-conservative-voters-we-could-get-them-to-breed-but-there-isn-t-time-15-june-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘We’re down to the last two Conservative voters – we could get them to breed but there isn’t time.’ - 15 June 2024</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-we-ve-closed-your-bank-account-you-have-been-charged-25-for-this-letter-15-july-2023</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/bernie_150723_1_sg.jpg?v=1737517634</image:loc>
      <image:title>Bernie - ‘We’ve closed your bank account… you have been charged £25 for this letter.’ - 15 July 2023</image:title>
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    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-weird-9-november-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Weird.’ - 9 November 2024</image:title>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-welcome-to-the-new-normal-19-september-2020</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Bernie - ‘Welcome to the new normal.’ - 19 September 2020</image:title>
      <image:caption></image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/bernie-well-it-won-t-be-the-glow-of-a-warm-fire-5-october-2024</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I can remember when this was all institutionally racist.’ - 2 March 2024</image:title>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I couldn’t get a sitter.’ - 19 August 2023</image:title>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I do all my Christmas shopping on wine.’ - 4 November 2023</image:title>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I must warn you that you may find some of Eric’s wit and repartee mildly offensive.’ - 11 November 2023</image:title>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I only asked for a bank statement.’ - 5 August 2023</image:title>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/dredge-i-remember-when-this-was-all-europe-19-december-2020</loc>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I remember when this was all Europe.’ - 19 December 2020</image:title>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I sentence you to a lifetime wait for a prison place...’ - 21 October 2023</image:title>
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    <loc>https://shop.spectator.co.uk/products/dredge-i-told-you-this-journey-wasn-t-absolutely-necessary-16-january-2021</loc>
    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I told you this journey wasn’t absolutely necessary.’ - 16 January 2021</image:title>
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    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I want to be a careers adviser – what do you see yourself doing in five years’ time?’ - 6 May 2023</image:title>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I was expecting Gary Lineker.’ - 27 January 2024</image:title>
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    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I wish they would keep music out of politics.’ - 11 May 2024</image:title>
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    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I’m being stalked by a Netflix film crew.’ - 18 May 2024</image:title>
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    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0873/6358/4334/files/assisted-dying-07122024.jpg?v=1737518836</image:loc>
      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I’m confused. Is not getting the winter fuel payment the same as assisted dying?’ - 7 December 2024</image:title>
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    <lastmod>2026-07-21T20:44:38+01:00</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dredge - ‘I’ve heard a whisper that “Lockdown Return” is worth a punt.’ - 20 March 2021</image:title>
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</urlset>
